Being A "See Through" Christian (Transparency)

As I have been doing, I am going to share my life as an open book this morning. I believe transparency in being a Christian is of the utmost importance, which is probably why I struggle with it so much at times. If it were easy to be transparent and let everyone see all your faults, fears, and problems, everyone would be like that...because it gives you great freedom from deception. When I committed my life to Christ last year, the Lord told me to just let people see everything about me, good and bad. He told me to confess my sins openly with others, and to ask others for their forgiveness when I have done wrong to them, even in the smallest of things. At this time, I was so thankful for the forgiveness God had given me and I was full of joy and peace about everything. I was lacking fear of man because I had such great fear of God, there was no room in my life to care about what others thought of me. It would be great to sit here and say I stayed that way until today, but that would not be the truth.

In my former life and creation, I was a liar. I lied about big and small things, and I was full of deception with the people in my life. When I got saved, God freed from the desire and need to lie to cover up my conscience about the things I had done wrong. God gave me freedom, knowing that my salvation lies in His righteousness, not my own. He gave me the courage to begin to live openly and with transparency in everything I did. I admit, many people did not like it, and some outwardly opposed everything that I was...but I was shining bright the light of Jesus and His message of hope. I did not have a lot of friends in the beginning of being a Christian, but I followed a deep call and purpose that God had given me to tell the TRUTH. Well, over the past year, things have started to decline. This year, while God was growing me spiritually, I began to make Christian friends and be accepted by people fully for the first time in my life. I felt I was doing something right and the benefits were being favored and honored by man. The truth is, God is doing good things in my life. I began to become prideful. I began to focus too much on what man thought of me, and not enough on what God thinks. I could feel myself going farther and farther away from God. He would keep saying to me "I am with you." He has been saying that to me for months to let me know He is right here. I have still been reading my Bible every day, going to church twice a week, doing two Bible studies, and praying every day. I have not walked away from God in the sense of turning my back on Him, but in the process of everything, I moved away from Him spiritually. I kept thinking, how did this happen? I am DOING everything to stay close to Him. But my heart was not where it once was. I was worrying about women not seeing me at Bible study, or not going to this person's party or function, or visiting so-and-so. I got so socially adept that it was crowding out God.

And then I began to sin because of it. Instead of just being truthful about the fact that my life was so crazy and spinning out of control, and regaining control over it by saying "No" to people. I just began to let people run my life. I became a people pleaser to the point where I was blowing off one friend to spend time with another...and there just weren't enough hours in the day to meet all the needs of EVERYONE! I began to get tired, feel dull spiritually, and cry out to God to help me. One of my friends was with me shopping one day and read an article about "People pleasing" from a Christian magazine. I began to realize that I had a problem, and it was affecting every area of my life. Was I meaning in my heart to be wicked and disobey God? NO. I thought I was doing good because I was putting myself in a position to meet more people and tell them about Christ. I did tell people about Christ along the way, and there has been fruit for God from this time of my life, so I know I am still abiding in Christ....but it began to be too much for me.

I just kept hearing myself telling my friends "I am just SO busy, I am sorry I can't do this or that." As God began to refine this out of me, I began saying no to people. It was one of the hardest things I have done. But I also started hiding from people that wanted me to do something with them. I would just not call them, or not answer my phone. Having spent most of my life being rejected by people because of the things I did, I was falling right back into the same lifestyle. Instead of facing the truth and just telling them that I couldn't do something, or volunteer for something, or be somewhere....I just made myself hidden. I even began to tell "white lies" (which are still LIES) to people about what had happened, placing the blame mostly on someone else. I began to shirk responsibility. I began to become disinterested in meeting with God as much because I knew I was sinning in my heart. I knew what I should be doing (sort of, but I was confused) and I would feel more distant from God. I even found myself lying to the people of God about things I had done or not done, and thinking to myself "I just lied to God's Spirit in them," like Ananias and Sapphira who got struck dead for lying to the Holy Spirit. This is dangerous ground.

So, last night, God convicted me deeply of my sins. I began to weep when I realized how bad I had gotten in my sin. I realized I had stumbled because I had just looked a sister in Christ in the eyes and lied to her. This was not the Sarah that was a new creation in Christ, this reminded me TOO much of the Sarah I used to be. I know there are probably many people out there wondering when the "old me" would pop up and I would go back to my old ways....because people don't just change overnight....or DO THEY? You see, even though I stumbled in my walk with Christ, I know that God is faithful to forgive me once again. In my old life, I would have kept it all a secret thinking "If nobody ever figures it out, then it will not hurt anyone" but deception always hurts people! God has convicted me, so that I may confess my sins openly to Him and others, and ask for their forgiveness. This frees me from carrying the burden of my sin, and gives me another chance to live a holy and blameless life before God. Not only that, but I believed God allowed me to go down this road once again to free me from the need to please man, which led me into sin. I never have had one malicious thought of hurting someone on purpose. I lied because I DIDN'T want to hurt others...but in the Light, all things become visible, and in God's Light last night of my sister in Christ....He did just that. It is amazing how one word can bring down a person. My friend looked me in the eye and called me out about my busyness, and how it had kept me from her. She did not know I had lied to her....although I wrote her and confessed my sin against her. It will be her decision through the love of God inside of her to decide when and whether to forgive me. Lying brings a great cost...loss of trust and possible loss of relationship with others. I believe that is one reason why deception hurts the heart of God SO MUCH. Our lies to Him when we deny our sin keep us from being restored to a right relationship with Him, and He knows the eternal consequences of the deception (self and otherwise) in our lives. It is deception that caused the fall of man, and made Him sacrifice His own Son for our sins, and continues to destroy our relationships to this day. Satan catches us where we are weakest, and this was always a great weakness for me. Satan knows that, and He used busyness to deceptively bring me back to a place where I would lie to cover up my wrongdoing. He is truly conniving, and the father of lies.

BUT.... God is an overcomer! God said He overcame the world when He died on the cross for my sins, and He will not let go of me, even when I am in within reach of Satan's destruction of my life and relationships. I wept last night as I admitted to God that I was wrong and I had sinned against Him, His body, and others. He told me to ask for the forgiveness of those that I had sinned against, and I have done this. So...if you have not received an email from me, then it means you are not one I sinned against. There is really one, the one I was confronted with last night (by the grace of God) that I had willingly sinned against because of my shame. As a compliment to her walk with God, I probably avoided her because I KNEW being the Presence of God in her life would convict me of my sin. I didn't want to be "found out" but God outed me anyway through His conviction of the Holy Spirit. Praise God! Today, I am free again from the grip of Satan and can continue in right fellowship with the body of Christ and God Himself. I will be praying and hoping for forgiveness, but I know that it is up to each person to decide whether to extend it.

But now, I have to trust God to help me change the things in my life which have caused the problem. I will need to cut back on activities, spend more time at home with my family, and stop being SO busy. I need to be obedient to God's voice and His leading in my life. I need to be trustworthy and true to others again. I need to learn to say "No" when necessary, knowing the result of always saying "Yes" to people, and the problems that go along with it. Turning this corner might be the first time in my life when I felt FREE from people pleasing and the need to be perfect in front of others. I need to let others step up and take responsibility, starting my walk with God, then my home, and then with ministry. There is such a shortage of servants in the house of God that often times, those of us who love to serve God end up doing way too much. The body of Christ needs laborers (all over) to step up and begin to serve, so the workload can be evenly distributed between all believers. Christ said that the harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. He prophesied this problem in the body 2000 years ago. Please step in your local body and serve God, not only to honor and glorify Him (first), but to help those brothers and sisters who need more time at home, and need to stop saying YES to everything because no one else will.

Lord,

I thank you today for your great forgiveness of sin. You truly are a merciful God, and your love endures forever. Today, I will give thanks to the Lord because He is good. I am truly sorry again for having done wrong to you and others, and I thank you that you have faithfully forgiven me. Please give the strength and love to those I have hurt through deception to forgive me as well. I pray that you would restore anything that has been damaged, and that you would receive all honor and glory in doing so. I thank you for never letting go of me, and loving me enough to chasten and discipline me. You say you discipline the son you love, and I am grateful for your discipline in my life! Without it, I would be lost and on my way to hell. Thank you for being the Good Sheperd and for using the rod to bring me back to the safety of Your Presence. Thank you for giving me the courage to confess my sins to others, and to share this experience on this blog, so that others might have courage to confess their sins as well, and be forgiven by You and others. Lord, I pray today for the salvation of every reader that does not know you. I pray that you would show them again through your Word that you give salvation freely to all who come and accept Christ as their Lord and Savior. They CAN live in peace, and joy in You. And you promise that you will never leave or forsake those your children. Thank you for not leaving me nor forsaking me, even though I have sinned against you. I pray that you would bless me richly with the spirit of Truth, and keep my mouth from uttering any falsehood from this day forward. Help me to be strong in saying NO to those things which are not ordained by you. Help me to acknowledge You in everything I do, and not to sit in the counsel of the wicked. Make me holy as you are holy. I pray these things in the precious and wonderful name of Christ, Amen.

Washed Clean in His Blood,

Sarah