Forgiveness is Freedom in Christ

The past few days of this week, the Lord has really touched my heart in a way that was unexpected and yet incredibly productive...He brought on correction. I know when we hear of correction from the Lord, it makes us sort of cringe because you never quite know how the Lord will bring conviction and correction into your life. The strangest thing about correction is that often, you know there is something wrong in your life, but you can't quite put your finger on it...and then suddenly, that glorious Light shines into a dark place in your life and reveals TRUTH. The truth is that, no matter how much of a "good Christian" you are, there is always an area that God is working on...and He is seeking to deliver you from some bondage of sinful living. The Bible calls this "sanctification." I believe that many people do not come to Christ for fear of this Light shining in on their lives, day and night. I believe that people who have accepted Christ sometimes make a foolish attempt to hide from God's revealing Light and they end up in a dark corner of life somewhere, crying out in pain and suffering that God never intended for them. Well, this is what happened to me, and I feel inclined to share it with you all this morning.

I went to a wonderful sermon this past Sunday which spoke about the attitudes of our hearts toward others. The man of God spoke of how we harbor bitterness, anger and judgmental thoughts towards other which ultimately lead to our own suffering, and the destruction of vital relationships in our lives. As I sat there, I felt as though I wanted to climb out of my chair and leave the building, but I could feel the Presence of God holding me to my seat. It was painful and it was definitely correction. You see, for the last few months (and even longer), I have been hurt by many people in my life. I have been hurt by my parents, family and even my own husband. There has been so much pain surrounding the events of my life, and then the reproaches of infertility, lack of money, and overall shame surrounded my life, my marriage and my family. To say the least, it has been a pretty tough year of walking with the Lord. The problem is the sinful nature in me just keeps trying to take over the place of the Holy Spirit in my life. The enemy loves to tell me that it is ok to think nasty thoughts about people because they have hurt me so much. It is ok to harbor bitterness and anger toward them, and think judgmental thoughts as long as they see the love of Christ emenating through me toward them. Knowing, by the Word of God, that these attitudes are wrong is one thing....changing them is quite another.

I remember one day, over a year ago, when the Lord spoke to me about something very hurtful my husband had done. He presented me with a scenario and then gave me a choice. He said "Sarah, imagine the person that hurt you the most in your life, and then imagine that someone is going to kill that person...and I ask you to take the bullet, and die in their place, thus allowing them to live a longer fuller life...would you do it?"

HMMM....good question Lord.

Then the Lord began to explain his question...He explained to me that I was that person that had hurt Him so deeply and that He was given this choice of dying in my place, thus allowing me to live a longer, fuller live in Him. He said that I should forgive others as He has forgiven me. He validated that my husband had indeed made mistakes and hurt me deeply, along with my friends, family and even strangers. Just as all have hurt Him through the deep wounds of committing sin in their lives. He made the concept of forgiveness very tangible and applicable to my everyday life.

Well, that day, I decided that I was going to be a forgiving person and I asked God to please help me to forgive all those who have hurt me in the past by the power of the Holy Spirit. For months after, I found myself forgiving people supernaturally, even though circumstances seem to increase in painfulness and the forgiveness got harder to maintain...but by God's grace, I kept going. My relationships with others started to experience new life, new growth and deeper intensity. Even though the circumstances were bad, I could see God working in my life and in the lives of those around me. It was glorious.

Which brings me full circle to where I stood this past Sunday in church. Somehow, over time, I got comfortable in being able to forgive people in my own strength. I began to think, this is always going to be this easy, and I am so strong in the Lord that I will not struggle with this anymore. WRONG!!! The next thing I knew, my husband had made another decision with which I did not agree, and it turned out changing our whole quality of life and circumstances, and in the blink of an eye, I found myself in a terrible place of bitterness, anger and unforgiveness. I wandered away from reading the Word of God, I didn't pray as much as I used to, and I just tried to hide in my sin and throw a "pity party" for myself. The enemy's voice crept back in and continually encouraged me that I was right in how I felt because I had been wronged. That brutal nature of unforgiveness began to permeate every area of my life. Although things looked alright for me spiritually, I was tormented inside with the thought that I didn't want to feel this way anymore, but I didn't know how to change. Every time I tried to forgive in my own strength, I just fell deeper into the pit. I told my husband I was sorry for my thoughts, confessed them, and said I forgave him, but I couldn't shake the unforgiveness.

So this past Sunday, God began to heal me and free me from this bondage I had been under before. I was becoming entangled again in the yoke of slavery, but my God is good, and came to my rescue! He brought correction that showed me that only He was able to set me free. He spoke through the darkness and told me that I just needed to confess to Him that I was unable to redeem myself and free myself from this bondage of sin, and that He would rescue me, YET AGAIN! But doing that was harder than I imagined. I still wanted Him to speak to my husband about how badly he had hurt me, and God surprised me with his answer. I wrote a friend asking for prayer for my husband, and she responded with a word from the Lord FOR ME. It was telling me that God was speaking to my husband, but it was ME that needed to stop getting in the way of the progress God was making in his life. It instantly reduced me to tears. God showed me that He had already stepped in to make necessary changes in my husband, and I had become a stumbling block in the way of His work. Having had such favor of God in my life the past year, and His great approval, it was incredibly hard to realize that I had gone so far into my sinful thinking that I was now causing problems to His great work. Thankfully, his plans and purposes do not depend on my faithfulness, but on His power. As I cried, I confessed the thoughts and attitudes I had toward Jeff, and with amazing grace, he said to me "It's ok, I know you don't mean to be mean and wicked" and just like that, he forgave me and comforted me...the one who was now hurting him.

This whole ordeal has brought me closer to my husband, closer to my family, and closer to God. Was it good that I wandered from the truth? NO. Was it amazing and a powerful testimony of God's intent and power to redeem me...YES. I learned a huge lesson through all this...God intends for us to remain in the freedom to which we are called in Him. Even when we stumble, He is there to correct us in LOVE, and bring us back to the truth which ultimately SETS US FREE! He finished off this correction and teaching with this one scripture:

Luke 6:36-38 (NKJV):

"Therefore, be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful. Judge not, and you shall not be judged. Condemn not, and you shall not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given unto you: good measure, pressed down, shaken down, and running over will be put into your bosom. For with the same measure that you use, it will be measured back to you."

What a word of encouragement this morning to all those who struggle, as I have, with judgment, condemnation and unforgiveness of others. May God bless you and keep you, as He constantly works to ensure your freedom in Him. For the Word of God says:

John 8:35-36 (NKJV):

"And a slave does not abide in the house forever, but a son abides forever. Therefore, if the Son makes you free, you shall be free indeed."

God bless you with faith upon hearing His Word, and grant you the power to forgive and give unto others as you would hope to receive from the Father....that is truly the "golden rule."

Love you all!

In Christ's love and freedom,

Sarah