Struggling With Sin?

1 Corinthians 10:12 (NKJV):

"Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed lest he fall."

I have had a couple days of deep meditation on why I have been feeling far from my Lord, despite all the amazing things he does in my life. The connection that I once felt seems to have faded for the moment, and I have been seeking the answer as to "Why?" I know the Lord loves me very much, and I have believed that I loved Him very much as well. But then, I started realizing that He says that those who love Him will keep His commandments. I began to think of all the times that I do not keep His commandments, and I complain that I am just not able to right now; at those times I feel weak and helpless. I feel as though I want to do good, but I keep doing the things I do not want to do. The apostle Paul from the Bible had the same thoughts and feelings toward His own spiritual life.

In Romans 7:15-20 (NIV), Paul states:

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do--this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it."

This particular scripture may seem like a tongue-twisting riddle, but it holds a great truth. When we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, we are regenerated in our hearts and become a new creation in Christ. God gives us a new heart and His Spirit within us. The problem is that we end up with the Holy Spirit trapped inside of a sinful flesh, that desires to sin. This creates a constant battle between spirit and flesh, which is discussed in depth within the pages of the New Testament. Paul the apostle felt the pull of sin in his body, although he realized that it was no longer him that was doing wrong, but sin in him.

I am writing about this today because I have been having this struggle (intensified) lately. I feel as though the things I know to do, and want to do are NOT the things I do. I feel lazy, apathetic, and downright unspiritual. I realized also in the past few days that many people around me are so used to seeing me acting right spiritually that they are surprised to see me stumbling. I told my husband today that I have the same struggles as anyone else. The good he sees in me is not me, but God in me. The bad he sees in me is not me, but sin in me. I am dead to all things, but alive in Christ because He now lives in me. His Spirit reigns in my heart, but sin is still in my flesh and will lead me to destruction. Thankfully, we have the promises of God to assure us that He is going to hold onto us, and never leave us nor forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He will keep us in His hand.

John 10:29 (NIV):

"My Father, who has given them to Me, is greater than all; and no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand."

However, as I press deeper into the revelation of God's Word, I realize that we can miss out on an abundance of blessings by being disobedient and allowing sin to control our actions. This is where I have stumbled. Sometimes, the ways we are disobedient to God's Word are very subtle. This was the case for me recently. I used to struggle with addictions, sex, alcohol, painkillers, shopping, etc. God freed me from all of these destructive addictions, but now my enemy is attacking me on more subtle (deeper) levels. He is attempting to build up pride, laziness, apathy, discouragement, confusion,worry and unbelief. These parts of my sinful nature are deep inside of me. But at the same time, God is completing the work He began in me because He is asking me to obey in deeper areas of my life and edify me through humility, productivity, encouragement, clarity (revelation), peace and faith. He is doing this by waking me up to my own disobedience, and allowing me to confess these sins and be forgiven. This is the process of sanctification, becoming more Christ-like.

I pray that each one of you is resting securely in the hope of salvation in Jesus Christ! I pray that if you have stumbled, that God will show you your sins and be faithful to forgive you when you have confessed them. I for His Holy Presence in your life, and for the revelation of His Word to penetrate into your hearts and lives. I pray for joy in each of your lives, and the reassurance that God is always with you. I pray for these things in Jesus name. Amen.

His humble servant,

Sarah