I'm Not Who I Was...

I was listening to a song in my car today called "I'm Not Who I Was." I got to seriously thinking about the lyrics of the song which talks about how God was always with me, even when I was doing everything wrong. He still loved me, and He saw all the mistakes I made in life. I remember feeling many times as though no one ever really loved me because I thought I was too horrible to love. I had done so many things wrong, hurt so many people, and been angry and depressed most of my life. I remember life being a daily struggle, and it never seemed to get any easier. I remember having conversations with people about how life will never get better, this is "just the way it is going to be." I am sorry for all the people who suffered from my cynical nature, and my pessimism toward life. All I really ever wanted was to love, be loved, and be happy! I wanted peace in my life, and for every day to be a joy rather than a curse. I remember waking up each morning without much hope of that day being better than the previous one. Sure, there were happy moments in life. The birth of my daughter, and my son, and the day I got married were all wonderful DAYS. But, I was a single mother when I exited the hospital the first time....twenty years old with no wisdom. My parents helped me, but I needed more help than they could ever give. Marrying my husband was a wonderful day, but shortly after, I found out that marriage was very hard for me as well because I lacked a solid knowledge of how to love my husband. Oh, I could be nice to him sometimes, but most of the time I was with him...I was not happy. I always felt stressed about everything, and we often took our stress out on each other. Neither of us was happy in our marriage. The birth of my son was absolutely amazing, but the stress of having two children, and a struggling marriage left me with little satisfaction. I felt, at times, as though I was all alone. Sometimes, I would just cry and wonder if I would ever be TRULY happy and have PEACE in my life.

These days, if I have the slightest interruption to my day, I begin to get restless and think "what is wrong." I realize that this is because life is good every day, even on the "bad" days. The only thing I worry about anymore is my relationship with Christ and whether I am moving forward in being closer to Him. When I feel distant from Him, I get anxious. These past couple days, I really got to thinking about how GREAT life is for me after I met and accepted Jesus Christ. I kept thinking to myself...."people can think whatever they want about Christianity, or the gospel message, or think I am crazy....but no one can EVER convince me that God did not change my life dramatically." No no can ever take away my testimony, or even really come against it. The fact is -- I AM NOT WHO I WAS. This pattern of thought really sunk in last Thursday in my bible study where we memorize God's Word. In the study, we do cross-referencing on a specific scripture. God started to give me a revelation about who I really was in Him and the totality of what He had done for me on the cross. These are the scriptures He gave me along with the revelation He gave me about them:

Galatians 2:20 (NASB):

"I have been crucified with Christ; and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me an gave Himself up for me."

Romans 6:23 (NASB):

"For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Hebrews 9:27 (NASB):

"And inasmuch as it is appointed for men to die once and after this comes judgment."

2 Corinthians 5:17 (NASB):

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come."

Isaiah 53:6 (NASB):

"All of us like sheep have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; but the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him."

Romans 5:8 (NASB):

"But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us."

Ephesians 2:8-9 (NASB):

"For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast."

and finally.....

Romans 6:2-4 (NKJV):

"Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it? Or do you not know that as many of us as were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into His death? Therefore, we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we should walk in newness of life."

So.....how do these all go along with the point of this blog. Here is what happened to me. I was living in sin (falling short of God's standard of holiness)....and He used many hardships in life to bring to the place of being aware of my own sin....and asking Him for forgiveness. When I finally surrendered my life and heart to Jesus Christ, He gave me a new life in Him. When I confessed with my mouth that Jesus is Lord, and believed in my heart that God raised Him from the dead....I was saved. I have heard many other theologies that talk about "losing your salvation." This is an issue that I have wrestled with since the day I GOT SAVED. I had been fearful of losing my salvation....and believing I was saved by faith but had to work to continue onto my "true salvation in Christ" when He returns and takes His people to be with Him forever. I know there are scriptures that talk about the race we are running, and that we must hold onto our faith until the end, and this is all true. But God showed me something amazing through His holy scripture....when we accept Christ as our Lord and Savior, and are baptized into His death, and resurrected into new life.....we are a NEW creature. We are no longer what/who we were before. God makes us something completely new. Then He continues to show and prove through scripture that once this regeneration occurs, our salvation rests in His loving and capable hands. We need to devote our lives to Him, continue to seek out and grow in a relationship with Him, but the ultimate responsibility for our salvation is taken out of our own hands. We no longer carry the burden of having to save ourselves from certain death and eternal torment....He promises to continue on the work that He starts in us, and He will complete it unto salvation. I have heard many other Christians talking about the fear of losing their salvation, or never having been saved in the first place. There is much talk of sanctification, which I believe is real and necessary in the life of a Christian....but does it determine salvation? That is something for each person to discover in scripture....but in my heart, I have concluded through study of scripture that when a person accepts Christ, that person is saved.

What I know from experience is that I was given new hope, new life, and new purpose. All things became new and the old passed away.

The revelation that God gave me was that when I accepted Christ, I died to myself. I asked Him to take over my life and live through me. Then I was baptized into His death (once again, I am dead....and He lives in me) and I was raised to new life in Him. I became a new creature, and the ONE time I was appointed to "die," will no longer be a spiritual death....I have already died. I am a spiritual being living in a physical body (which will die)....but Paul said to "absent from the body is to be present with the Lord." I believe that when I die, I will immediately be in the Presence of the Almighty God and my Savior. I will not experience the sting of physical or spiritual death because I have already died, and been resurrected spiritually with Christ. The scripture says so. When God was finished giving me this revelation, I felt myself to be lighter than ever, and without worry in the world! I trust God even more than before because I know that He will complete the work He started in me--for His glory and His name's sake. Not for mine. I am already dead. It is all about Him now. But....as I live, He showers His grace upon my life and His blessings. Even in my death (to my dreams and desires of the flesh)....He is giving me everything I ever dreamed of!!!

If you are afraid today that surrendering your life to Christ, and dying to yourself forever....is going to be PAINFUL or that you are going to lose something.....that is a LIE. There is nothing to lose, just everything to gain. Yes, God will rule and reign in your life....but trust me, He does a way better job than you ever could. Will it turn you into some spiritual crazy person who is always preaching about Jesus? Possibly....but in the end, you will be rewarded eternally for that as well! And in the midst of this wicked and crazy life, you will have PEACE. You will have an open line of communication with the God of the Universe in which you ask, you believe, and you receive. You will know a depth to love that you never imagined before, and you will be assured in the deepest parts of your soul of the riches and glory yet to come in Heaven. You will know a relationship with a spiritual divine Creator that seems impossible to the human mind....but is absolutely real through your re-birth into Christ.

I can tell you until I am blue in the face about what you might be missing.....and you may still reject it....but I am going to keep telling the world until somebody listens! I have found treasure, and I am not about to hide it from those I love most. I have to share it, so that everyone I love may join me in the wonderful life I have here, and will be assured of their final resting place in Heaven as well.

The scripture says in Phillipians 3:17-21 (NASB):

"Brethren, join in following my example, and observe those who walk according to the pattern you have in us. For many walk, of whom I often told you, and now tell you even weeping, that they are enemies of the cross of Christ, who end is destruction, whose god is their appetite, and whose glory is in their shame, who set their minds on earthly things. For our citizenship is in heaven, from which also we eagerly wait for a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ; who will transform the body of our humble state into conformity with the body of His glory, by the exertion of power that He has even to subject all things to Himself."


I know now that I am citizen of heaven....I am stranger here on earth, but I feel a deep need to tell as many as possible about this great thing of salvation I have found in Jesus Christ. I pray that you would ask God to show you how real He is. Ask Him to bring you to knowledge of whether you need to saved, and the truth found in His Word. As I said before.....not one person might accept Christ because of these words in this life.....but no one can take away from me the eternal life promised to me by Christ, and the testimony of what He has done in my life. May God bless you with this knowledge and wisdom as well, in the name of Jesus. Amen.


Waiting for His Return,

Sarah