A Reward From God

So, today, I am excited to share some big news for the Cox family. We just found out last week that we are expecting a new BABY on July 4, 2009! Believe it or not, this came as surprise to us. Many people assumed that we were trying to have another baby, but after the miscarriage we suffered a couple months ago....we were playing it "safer." I had not returned to birth control because I did not want to use anything permanent, but we were trying to hold off for at least a few months until my body had time to recover from the miscarriage.

The past few weeks, I had been praying about whether we should continue to try conceiving a baby in the near future. As I was praying, the Lord kept saying to me "You have what you have asked for." I had prayed months ago that God "would increase the size of our family." Time and time again, when I was praying recently....God would let me know that I would indeed have a third child. I spoke this fact to a friend a couple of weeks ago, but told her that I would be patient and wait on God for the timing. I simply wanted to know if we should be "trying" or "not trying." In the meantime, we were "not trying." Well, last month passed by....and I was feeling very tired and emotional, signaling pregnancy. It had been well past the time when I would know whether I was pregnant or not, so I decided to take a test. It showed negative for pregnancy....so I figured I was just catching the cold/flu that has been going around. I stopped thinking that I could be pregnant for this past month. I was still wrestling with the idea of whether we should be trying or not!

Last week, I was helping my daughter participate in a base fashion show at the local BX. After the show, I was trying on clothes and noticed that I looked heavier than usual. I thought to myself "when did I gain all this weight?" I was fastening the buttons on my pants when I realized that my pelvis felt very hard (like a rock). Having been pregnant before, I know that this could only mean one thing! I thought..."I can't be pregnant, I already took a test." But at once, I KNEW I was pregnant. It all made sense. The tiredness, moodiness, and increasing size of my waistline. So I went and took another test, a full two weeks after I should have known I was pregnant and it was positive. I went to the doctor the following Monday, and it was confirmed in their testing. I explained everything that I had been experiencing, and based on that conversation alone....they believe I am probably 8-9 weeks pregnant already!

The interesting thing about all this is the spiritual side. At the time I first tested, God was taking me through learning some deep truths about trusting Him through anything. He had revealed to me through a conversation with a friend that I had become upset with God after having the miscarriage, even if I did not show it outwardly. I had been "offended by God." At that point, I had not learned to trust God's will for my life, and was still wanting things MY WAY. I was struggling to accept God's sovereign choice to change the circumstances of my life, even when He had spoken to me regarding the last pregnancy. One challenge with hearing God's plans is that we often run ahead of God and begin to interpret the rest of the story. We started figuring out HOW God is going to accomplish what He has spoken. This is what happened with the miscarriage. God told me I was going to become pregnant the exact month that I became pregnant. He had told me months before that "Greater loss was on the way, but I will give you a heart to endure all things." Afterward, I realized that He was telling me all along that even though He had told me I would become pregnant, I would not keep that pregnancy. It was a great loss emotionally. But He had also spoken the night I first had the miscarriage that "there would be weeping, but then there will be great JOY." I took this as another pregnancy shortly after the one I lost....which is exactly the way it turned out, although we weren't trying.

I think the most amazing thing about this whole ordeal is that I was probably pregnant the whole time I was learning how to trust God and admit my bitterness toward Him. He could have revealed that I was pregnant during the first test (which would have been normal), but He divinely chose to wait until the second test....after I had dealt spiritually with the issues at hand. It was immediately after I received His forgiveness for my lack of trust that I found out I was pregnant again. It was His divine timing. But now, I am having to put to the test my trust in God's plan....if the dates are correct.....I will be 34 weeks at our DEROS date (the date we leave Guam).

It is at this point where we say "the rubber meets the road." After learning to trust God, He is immediately putting it to the test. This is the epitome of the Christian life...trusting God to make major (and minor) decisons about our lives and following His plan day-by-day. The world around us thinks we are crazy when we don't "plan" our lives according to the ways of the world. One thing just occurred to me as I was writing this blog.....the world causes anxiety over all the "what if" questions in life. God promises to provide for all His children, and equip us for every good work, including raising children. I am not worried that we will not have enough money, or a place to live, or anything else....because God promised to take care of me and my family...and He never goes back on His word.

I can already hear the skeptics saying "I know women who have many children and can't feed them. They are always struggling." There is a key point to this idea. First, is that woman a child of God? Has she accepted Jesus Christ as her Lord and Savior. And secondly, "Is she trusting God to meet all her needs?" I think God lets us suffer at times because we DON'T trust Him to meet all our needs. Bottom line is....I know God told me He wanted me to have three children. I followed His plan, and even when I wasn't following His plan, He took control and gave me a third child. His ways are above our ways, and his thoughts higher than our thoughts. Even if I can't see the whole plan, I know He will take care of us.

As a testimony to the truth of God's provision, I can tell you that in the entire last year....my family has never gone hungry or been without shelter. We have had transportation and adequate medical care. We always have clean water to drink, and clean air to breathe. God has even intervened a couple of times with miraculous provision of money, gifts and healing. He has provided for everything we need. Even if our bank account is not overflowing, our hearts have overflowed with JOY and PEACE, and there is nothing better than that. God has taught us how to manage our money in a way that supports our family....and He will provide for this extra member as well. We have even faithfully tithed and given offering, and still never been without all necessary provisions. I can say in all honesty....I HAVE NEVER BEEN HAPPIER IN MY LIFE! I have truly learned that material possessions, travel and selfish indulgences will never make a person truly happy. It just one quick fix after another....but I have found something in Jesus Christ that lasts day in and day out. Every day, I wake up with a song in my heart and joy to spread around. Sure beats the many days that I woke up stressed out, and with tears in my eyes, wondering how I was going to make it through another day.

For those of you who don't know, I used to be severely depressed and was even suicidal for a time. My children are a great source of that joy...and I am thankful to God that He has chosen to reward me with another child. Praise the Lord, for He is good....all the time!

Psalm 127:3 (NASB):

"Behold, children are a gift of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."

Deuteronomy 28:1-3 (NASB):

"Now it shall be, if you diligently obey the Lord your God, being careful to do all His commandments which I command you today, the Lord your God will set you high above all the nations of the earth. All these blessings will come upon you and overtake you if you obey the Lord your God; Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the country."

Deuteronomy 7:12-14 (NASB):

"Then it shall come about, because you listen to these judgments and keep and do them, that the Lord your God will keep with you his covenant and His lovingkindness which He swore to your forefathers. He will love you and bless you and multiply you; He will also bless the fruit of your womb, and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your new wine and your oil, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock, in the land which He swore to your forefathers to give you. You shall be blessed above all peoples; there will be no male or female barren among you or among your cattle."

Lord,

Today, I thank you for your divine will and purpose in my life. I thank you God that you allowed me to work through my trust issues with You before you revealed how You had already blessed me. Had you revealed this pregnancy earlier, I do not know that I would have fully grasped the message you were teaching me. I thank you God for waiting until this appointed time to give me this marvelous gift of a child. I pray that you would protect and bless the fruit of my womb, alone with the fruit that you have placed in so many other women's wombs at this time. Thank you for pouring out your gift of life among the women on Andersen, and for blessing my sister-in-law and brother with a son as well. I thank you God for them. I pray that you would protect them and give them wisdom as parents, in the name of Jesus I pray. Amen.

Thanks be to God,

Sarah


** for those of you who received a previous version of this blog, I apologize. My son Krischan clicked the button to publish before it was ready!**