The Choice to Obey

Well, dear friends and family....it has once again been awhile since I posted anything new on this blog. Let me tell you, things have been busy around here. The Lord is moving and changing, and "shifting" our lives dramatically. We are excited, but trying not to be anxious and fearful. We are having to trust in the Lord more than ever before. Why? Because the Lord has given us a "choice to obey" His divine will for our lives.

I was reading the other day (a Christian book) and it said that if we understood ourselves (our wants/desires/needs) like God understands each of us, we would make very different decisions in life. Sometimes, we know God has led us and asked us to do something specific in our lives, but making the decision to obey is often difficult. Why do we hesitate? We hesitate out of fear, anxiousness, inadequacies in ourselves, past failures, and once again FEAR. We are fearful of what drastic life changes could mean for us, and many of us would rather take the high road of living safely with no risks than to step out on faith in God's promises. This is where the Cox family currently finds ourselves. We are at a crossroads in our lives where we can choose to remain safely where we are, to begin to really rely on the Lord to show us that His grace is sufficient for us, and that He really is the Lord our Provider.

As many of you know, I was born and raised in Colorado (although we moved to AZ for a time). I left Colorado in 2000 to attend college in Arizona, and I have never returned on a permanent basis. I love Colorado, but am not a big fan of the snow! In Tucson, Arizona, I met my husband and we immediately moved here to Guam in 2006. After becoming a committed Christian in 2007, I surrendered my desires to the Lord to ever return to my family. I had almost left my husband because I had such a strong desire to return home. They were my security, my support system, and I found myself living on a island 8,000 miles away from them. It was very difficult, and with Jeff and I have problems, it made me want to go home that much more. When I finally did return home in 2007, God did a mighty work in my heart, brought me to a knowledge of salvation in Jesus Christ....and I returned to Guam a transformed woman.

When I returned, I knew that my desire to be with my family was tearing my immediate family apart. I began to realize that my life was dedicated to doing God's will and completing his purposes, not my own. So I wholeheartedly surrendered my desire to return home to Him. As time went on, my family would ask me about returning stateside and I could honestly say that I was fine going overseas again. Not because I desperately desired to do so, but because I had given myself over the will of God. I had peace with NOT returning home, and was ready to go to the ends of the earth with my husband and children. I was ready to fight in far away spiritual battles, and to win over nations to the Lord. I am very zealous when it comes to God's work in my life!!! So...in the meantime, my husband decided he wanted a new career, or we were getting out the military. I encouraged him to apply for retraining, and he submitted all the necessary paperwork. Then we began to WAIT. At first, we were just patiently waiting on the Lord to answer. We knew these things take time, but in the meantime, God was working in my heart and Jeff's to bring out a desire for something we both did not fully understand.

Many people kept asking me where we were headed, and I simply told them I was waiting on God to answer. But...that I could move anywhere and be happy. I was telling the truth. As months passed on with no response from the retraining board, we began to wonder what was going to happen. The anxiousness began to build up and we began to pray more over the situation. In a moment of true lack of patience, the Lord spoke to my heart and said "Just ASK me where you are going and I will tell you." I thought, "How simple is that?" But you see, I wasn't going to ask before because I wanted the Lord to know that I was surrendered to going anywhere. So I began to fast and pray as I do when I need to hear clearly from the Lord. Not even a couple of hours into a fast, I prayed and heard the Lord clearly say. "You are going home to Colorado."

I came out of my bedroom, partially shaking, and told my husband what the Lord had said. I didn't know what to think because it was the last thing I expected. It was my true heart's desire, but I had given it over to the Lord. I asked Jeff what he thought, and he told me "I have wanted to move there for the past couple of years." He told me that he believed we should get out of the military and move to Colorado. Suddenly, things went from fun and exciting to downright scary. We have security in the military life, our bills are paid, and we have a future career for Jeff. But that is not what Jeff wants, not what I want, and not what God wants for us. What He is asking us to do is step out on the faith He has given us in Him and allow Him to be our provider. So instead of waiting on the retraining, we now focused on getting Jeff a job in Colorado. We have said to the Lord that if we are to move, we are asking for a good paying job in Colorado for my husband. The Lord has impressed in my heart to stay home with my son until he starts school, and we possibly have another child (still in my heart). To live exactly the way we do now, he would need to make at least $60,000/year. The interesting part is that both companies looking at him for employment having starting salaries of at least $60,000/year! One of the job openings is in Grand Junction, Colorado with an oil refinement company. They have asked for people with 15+ years experience, but are looking at Jeff with less than 5 years experience. Another company might allow us to live where we want and Jeff would be flying out to work at job sites around the world. I believe in my heart that Jeff is going to get one of these jobs, or another one, but that God has ordained for us to end up in Colorado. God has given us a vision of his plans for us there, but these things take time.

The bottom line of this all is that we have an oppportunity to go from normal living to living out God's plans for our lives. Will it take faith? Yes. Will it mean a level of sacrifice? Yes. Will it be worth every second to be following God's will for our lives? Absolutely! And God says that if we obey His commandments, we will be blessed. As I learned from my own mother a couple days ago, I tend to look at all the details and focus too much on them (trying to make sense of it all, or regain control over our lives)....when I should be focusing on the big picture - which is God's plan for our lives and just OBEYING what he asks us to do. He will work out the rest of the details. I thank my mom for the wisdom she shared with me.

May God bless you all peace and joy in the Holy Spirit. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Sarah