Returning to Darkness

Last night, I was overcome with emotion and I began to sob. The reality had hit me that I was about to return to a place where I had been engulfed in so much darkness and disobedience. I am returning to a land where I am known as a totally different person than who Christ has made me to be. I am returning to memories of sinful things I have done to others, ways I have hurt them, and going face to face with my former self. I kept asking God, my family and my friend, who will they believe that I am? As I was beginning to break down in a moment of total desperation and probably fear, my phone rang. As is often common, God knows the exact moment I need help and sends it without delay. My friend said she had received my email during the day about all this, and she just had to call. She literally called at the exact moment I was about to begin total meltdown. God is so good! As we all know, the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. It is no different for me. The Spirit is lifting me up with great excitement and joy over the endless possibilities to witness to others about God's love and salvation, but my flesh has a tendency (temptation) to fear...I got in a place yesterday where I was asking God, "Am I ready for the things which You have planned for me?" I was thinking about how I had missed so many opportunities to study before the test (God's Word)....and how I wish I could redeem those lost moments. But I know that God is bigger than any weakness I could have. When I surrender to Him, He is able to shine His strength through my weaknesses, and His success is not based on what I am able to do...but what He can do through me!

God did tell me this morning that I need to remain humble when returning to the community. The fact of the matter is that my former reputation precedes me, and I may need to eat a lot of "humble pie." But this is all nothing compared to the work that Christ is doing in and through me. It is all worth it. Out of the darkest places, even a flicker of light is noticed....so out of my great darkness, God can shine His Light through me like a lighthouse. Even more, there might be an explosion of light out of the great darkness of my past. I pray that God would teach me to decrease so that He might increase in my life. I spend too much time worrying over what will happen to me, when I really need to be focusing on God's perfect character, and His mighty strength that overcomes all obstacles in my life.

I thank God for the precious time He gave me with my friend Julie last night. She is always there to encourage me, and I am going to miss her deeply when we move. I know God has plans and purposes for her life as well in North Carolina. He is going to do great things with her there, and that is where He needs her right now. I will just have to let her go for the time being, always remembering that we have an eternity to spend together with our Lord!!!

Well, this is definitely going to be a new chapter in our lives....please keep us in your prayers, and send any encouragement, words of wisdom, etc. that God lays upon your heart. We appreciate all of our brothers/sisters in Christ who are praying for us, and we know that we could not do it without your help. Please pray that God would work out the housing/land situation and secure the land He has chosen for His ministry. Also, we are going to be searching for a vehicle right after we move, so please pray about that for us as well. The Lord has given us a strange (but I am sure...wise) directive to get rid of much of our household goods before moving. Not sure why, except that we will be living with my parents possibly for a short time, and we will be technically "homeless" for awhile. We know that if we truly need those items, the Lord will provide them on the other end of our move. We trust Him. We love you all, and look forward to sending you many good reports of what God is doing in our lives and our community. Be blessed today in Jesus' name, Amen.

In His Perfect Peace,

Sarah